So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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