I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
