The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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