Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
