What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
