period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
