I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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