just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
