Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
