Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
