Im at strip club and am horny
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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