I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
