It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
