just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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