You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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