You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just puked most of my soul out..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
