So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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