You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
