Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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