Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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