I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
soo... how was my night?
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