i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
