Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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