So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
