i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
