You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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