ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
