wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
