Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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