I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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