A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
