I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
