i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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