remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
only if we run a train.
done.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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