maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
