I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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