why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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