Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
