The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
