yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
