i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
