i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
