Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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