Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
