My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
