No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize