I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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