I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
