look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
