oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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