so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
