one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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