I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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