i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i've created a new STD.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
