Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
