is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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