Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
