Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
