somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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