i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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