Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
