Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
