i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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