I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
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I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
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His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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