just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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