Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize