maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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