I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
