if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
