I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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