2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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