ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
