don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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