dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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