thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
