you would pick up someone in the library
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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