Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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