they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
