Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
operation harelip BJ is a go
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
