Don't you send me to vm
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
