The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
