Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
