I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
