We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
