we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
